crossed luck

stumpkin:

the only good story i have is i was once at the same wedding as daniel radcliffe and my dad said ‘you’re a wizard harry’ because my dad looks a lot like hagrid and daniel radcliffe told him to piss off

sniffing:

Showers need more specific temperature settings besides hypothermia and third degree burns

If it was meant to last, it would have.
― Red (Orange Is The New Black)

rain-force:

plot twist: you scream to your mom who’s in her room to come to the table because you already made the dinner

vvant:

let’s play a game called “are you staring at me because im hot or ugly”